THE LAW STUDENT DIET

by Liz Nevis

Now you, too, can eat like a law student! Not recommended by the Surgeon General or any other health authority.

Month 1 (beginning of semester): Hey, financial aid checks are in! Let’s go out for steaks / sushi / a few eentsy little vegetables decoratively squiggled with sauce in the middle of a big fancy plate! And beer - LOTS of beer.

Month 2: Oh, my god/goddess/ancestors/perfect little self, I’m falling behind! Coffee, coffee, coffee. When blood sugar hits bottom, drive thru someplace (anyplace), order something (anything), and wolf it down while driving. Supplement with stuff from campus vending machines. Eating the wrappers is optional.

Month 3: Out of money already!? Top Ramen, 10-25 cents per package, thickened with peanut butter. Tap water. Even the worms and bugs on “Fear Factor” are starting to look pretty good. Go to any and all campus and community events that offer free food, but DO NOT sign anything while there.

Reading period and finals: Fingernails, caffeine pills, small chips of paint from the outsides of pencils, excess stomach acid.